The Layers of Living for Yourself

I recently listened to Emma Chamberlain’s podcast episode on living for yourself, and while realizing how freeing it is, I was also forced to face how isolating it can be also. Today I want to talk about how I started living for myself, and what I’ve learned from doing that.

At the start of 2023, I had a huge life change; I started doing things I truly wanted instead of what I felt like I was supposed to do. I stopped doing a lot of late-night going out (the college stereotype) and started spending more nights staying in, reading a good book or watching a good show, and going to bed early. I got my first big girl job and looked forward to waking up every day and going to class/work. I started drinking green juices (this was a lot for me to handle at first), and prioritized my health. I was so much happier doing the things I genuinely enjoyed (like this blog!) instead of sticking to the box I felt society put me into as a sophomore in college. These changes were huge for me because I noticed how much more at peace I was doing the things I love. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still love a night out with the girls, but I found that when I don’t go out frequently, I look forward to those nights that I do more. Stepping out of my comfort zone and listening to my wants instead of pleasing others was an amazing thing; however, it isn’t the easiest.

What people don’t talk about when they discuss independence and maturing is how lonely it can be. It’s hard to watch everyone do the same things you did before and watch yourself grow out of that. I learned to focus on the friendships that were mutually beneficial, the ones that didn’t change just because I did. In a way, I think growing up and evolving helps show you the people that are meant to be in your life. I cherished old friendships that remained and nurtured new ones that were growing. Living for yourself is such a scaly topic; there are so many layers to this. I would love to say that picking up green juice and staying in means that you’re living for yourself, but it doesn’t. That’s just what living for yourself meant to me. It meant doing what makes me truly happy and romanticizing the little things in my life. It all really comes down to one question: what makes you happy? What do you find yourself doing in everyday life that really fills you with a sense of joy? Whatever that is, do more of it. We all have a bit of people-pleasing in us, but we often forget to please ourselves. This also relates to people from different walks of life, different ages, jobs, sex, etc. As always, with any mental health blog post, I’ve left an anonymous form below this for anyone who needs to vent. I loved hearing what you had to say last time and can’t wait to read more!